Monday, October 6, 2008

The Future of McCain

Last Wednesday, the night before the VP debate, Stephen Colbert did a segment about how John McCain was not the candidate of tomorrow, but rather the candidate FROM tomorrow!

The piece was about John McCain's uncanny ability to report the facts before they actually exist, and how his VP pick, Gov. Palin, is able to see Russia AND the future.

Take a look:


Though it sounded funny, I wasn't quite sure what Stephen meant until the day AFTER the VP debate, Friday. In my mail box I received a letter from John McCain, along with this:





If you can't make out what the writing says on the bottom it reads thus:
"Dear Mr. Ryback, Thank you for your support and commitment to our Party and candidates," and then it has McCain's and Palin's autographs!

And look! John McCain is waving right at me!! Gov. Palin, of course, is waving to somebody above and behind me, perhaps it's Joe Six-Pack or some Hockey Mom from Main street.

In the letter it tells me: "I know that friends like you have been among our Party's most loyal and dedicated supporters throughout this unpredictable campaign. We owe you a great deal of thanks."

Now, I was immediately confused. I have never once in my life supported McCain, his campaign, or his party. And yet here it was: "Thank you for your support and commitment to our Party and candidates!" Then I looked at the date of the letter.

Just below John McCain's personal (and frankly uncreative) letterhead was the date he wrote this letter: Friday Morning. (That's actually what it said, Friday Morning. Even when he writes the DATE he avoids specifics.) I had recieved this letter Friday afternoon. I don't understand the mail all that well, but I know it takes at LEAST a day (sometimes a year, in Los Angeles) for a piece of mail to go around the block, let alone from Washington D.C. Which can only mean one thing...

JOHN MCCAIN WAS WRITING TO ME FROM THE FUTURE!


He dated it Friday morning, because it was Friday Morning when he wrote it, but in reality it was really only Thursday morning! Suddenly this changed everything. Maybe John McCain was thanking me for the support that I will give him in the future. Maybe he knew something I didn't know! (That I would, for example, actually desire an autographed picture of those two.)

It seems to me that this type of desperate pandering to people who have never committed to his campaign does show a bit of sight into the future. I have a very good feeling that John McCain knows exactly how this whole election is going to turn out.

And boy is he nervous.

1 comment:

Miriam said...

Hey there!
I can't resist to finally comment on THIS entry (I've been reading your blog for some time now..). The first thing I thought was: Maybe, they just asked their magic crystal ball or did some weird evocation (Perhaps they asked the Weird Sisters of "Macbeth".....).It's like spam on the internet. They always know, what you need or will need in the future (just like anti-aging-cremes or aesthetic surgery or viagra-especially as a woman...ehm..). You see, McCain's policy is as worthy as spam, well at least, I think it is.

Oh..by the way... Here in Germany, sometimes the dubious advertising agencies hire people to look for pieces of papers with addresses in the garbage..Who knows, maybe this system is compatible? ;-)

Have a nice day! :)